Mar 23, 2019 - Need a good laugh? Check out these 300 funny quotes to help you get through today. These funny quotes will seriously make you laugh out loud! Director Martin Scorsese reunites with members of his GoodFellas gang (writer Nicholas Pileggi; actors Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci, and Frank Vincent) for a three-hour epic about the rise and fall of mobster Sam 'Ace' Rothstein (De Niro), a character based on real-life gangster Frank 'Lefty' Rosenthal.
Gambling is, first and foremost, a form of entertainment. From the bells and whistles of the slot machines to the dazzling colors and shapes of table games, everything is designed to delight you.
Land-based casinos keep the party going with bars and restaurants with live music. If you’re playing online, your excitement is growing bigger whenever you’re being showered with loyalty points.
Casinos, it seems, both land-based and online, have found the cure for boredom.
While gambling has been notoriously associated with addiction, recent studies show that most players are addicted to the feeling of fun that comes with gambling. Medical researchers estimate that only 5 to 8 percent of all gamblers show evidence of addiction. Most of us are there to have a good time.
Maybe you simply love getting a buzz of excitement from playing Wheel of Fortune or Double Diamon. Perhaps you like the thrill provided by Russian roulette or you enjoy strategizing during Poker and Blackjack with a delicious cocktail in hand.
Winning might not be guaranteed in a casino, but that’s exactly what makes you come back.
Comedian Chico Marx best explained this: “If I lose today, I can look forward to winning tomorrow, and if I win today, I can expect to lose tomorrow. A sure thing is no fun.”
Interestly enough, you tend to feel happy even when you’re losing. Several studies discovered that losing money after visiting a casino doesn’t make the overall experience less enjoyable. “A gambler is nothing but a man who makes his living out of hope.” – William Bolitho
Like Marx, many other famous figures had an opinion about gambling.
Most of them found humor in losing and the changing nature of luck.
“If there weren’t luck involved, I would win every time,” said professional poker player, Phil Hellmuth.
We’ve gathered some of the funniest quotes about gambling from tens of notorious people including ancient philosophers like Publilius Syrus, scientists like Albert Einstein, and actors like Paul Newman.
Whether you’re just dipping your toes into the gambling waters or you’re a die-hard casino player, these lines will put a smile on your face.
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“Gambling is the future on the internet. You can only look at so many dirty pictures.” – Simon Noble
“You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky
“Nine gamblers could not feed a single rooster.”– Yugoslav Proverb
“Eat your betting money but don’t bet your eating money.” – Unknown
“True luck consists not in holding the best of the cards at the table; luckiest is he who knows just when to rise and go home.” – John Milton Hay
“The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.” – Wilson Mizner
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“Gambling is not a vice, it is an expression of our humanness. We gamble. Some do it at the gaming table, some do not. You play, you win, you play, you lose. You play.” – Jeanette Winterson
“The better the gambler, the worse the man.” – Publius Syrus
“The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip
was a genius.” – Julius Weintraub.
“Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.” –Samantha Bee
“It’s hard to walk away from a winning streak, even harder to leave the table when you’re on a losing one.” – Cara Bertoia
“Quit while you’re ahead. All the best gamblers do.” – Baltasar Gracián y Morales
“A gambler never makes the same mistake twice. It’s usually three or more times.” – Terry Murphy
“A gambler plays even when the odds are immutable and against him.” – Roger “Lou Krieger” Lubin
“Sitting there, it is impossible to change your luck. But, you can always change the machine you are at!” ― James Hauenstein
“The greatest risk is not taking one.” – Tim Fargo
“The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil.” ― Heywood Hale Broun
“One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of garden seeds.” ― Dan Bennett
“If you ain’t just a little scared when you enter a casino, you are either very rich, or you haven’t studied the games enough.”— Terrence “VP Pappy” Murphy
“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” ― Seneca
“The house doesn’t beat the player. It just gives him the opportunity to beat himself.” – Nick Dandalos
“Luck always seems to be against the man who depends on it.” ―
Unknown Author
“There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.” – Jack Yelton
“If there weren’t luck involved, I would win every time.” – Phil Hellmuth
“A man’s gotta make at least one bet a day, else he could be walking around lucky and never know it.” – Jimmy Jones
“The only man who makes money following the races is the one who does it with a broom and shovel.” – Elbert Hubbard
“Gambling is the great leveller. All men are equal at cards.” – Nikolai Gogol
“Gambling with cards or dice or stocks is all one thing. It’s getting money without giving an equivalent for it.” – Henry Ward Beecher
“Gambling is an act of faith of gamblers. Prophecy is an act of faith of the saints.” – Toba Beta
“Luck, bad if not good, will always be with us. But it has a way of favoring the intelligent and showing its back to the stupid.” – John Dewey
“Nobody is always a winner, and anybody who say he is, is either a liar or doesn’t play poker.” – Alfred Alvarez
“There are two great pleasures in gambling: that of winning and that of losing.”— French Proverb
“To be a poker champion, you must have a strong bladder.” – Jack McClelland
“A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.” – Artie Lange
“Gambling operates under the premise that greed can be satisfied by luck.” Rita – Mae Brown
“If I lose today, I can look forward to winning tomorrow, and if win today, I can expect to lose tomorrow. A sure thing is no fun.” – Chico Marx
“A Gentleman is a man who will pay his gambling debts even when he knows he has been cheated.” – Leo Tolstoy
“In order to be a successful gambler you have to have a complete disregard for money.” – Doyle Brunson
“If you must play, decide upon three things at the start: the rules of the game,
the stakes, and the quitting time.” – Chinese Proverb
“You cannot beat a roulette table unless you steal money from it.” – Albert Einstein
“When I was young, people called me a gambler. As the scale of my operations increased I became known as a speculator. Now I am called a banker. But I have been doing the same thing all the time.” – Sir Ernest Cassel
“You don’t gamble to win.You gamble so you can gamble the next day.” – Bert Ambrose
“At gambling, the deadly sin is to mistake bad play for bad luck.” – Ian Fleming
“Someone once asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“I wonder what inspires gamblers. Is it the adventure or the love of laziness?” – Paul Bamikole
“Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks – It says, Goodbye.” – Frank Sinatra in “The Joker Is Wild”
“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.” – Ambrose Bierce
“To get it right, be born with luck or else make it. Never give up. A little money helps, but what really gets it right is never facing the facts.” – Ruth Gordon
“Gambling is a way of buying hope on credit.” – Alan Wykes
“A dollar won is twice as sweet as a dollar earned.” – Paul Newman
“Poker is a lot like sex, everyone thinks they are the best, but most don’t have a clue what they are doing.” – Dutch Boyd
“I can never gain something without losing everything I had.” – Nadia Scrieva
“The less you bet, the more you lose when you win.” – Bob Nastanovich
“I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That’s how I lost my mind.” – Steve Allen
“Gambling is the son of avarice and the father of despair.” – French Proverb
“Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house.”– Tommy Cooper
“If you would be wealthy, think of saving as well as getting.” – Benjamin Franklin
“If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.” – Mike McDermott
“Poker is a hard way to make an easy living.” – Doyle Brunson
“All the evidence shows that God was actually quite a gambler, and the universe is a great casino, where dice are thrown, and roulette wheels spin on every occasion.” – Stephen Hawking
“I can’t believe that God plays dice with the universe.” – Albert Einstein
“Gambling is part of the human condition. I love it. I have the best time gambling. I’ve been winning fortunes, and I’ve been losing them.” – Jerry Lewis
“In gambling, the many must lose in order that the few may win.” – George Bernard Shaw
“My advice to the unborn is, don’t be born with a gambling instinct
unless you have a good sense of probabilities.” – Jack Dreyfus
“One of the worst things that can happen to you in life is to win a bet on a horse
at an early age.” – Danny McGoorty
“No dog can go as fast as the money you bet on him.” – Bud Flanagan
“In the casino, the cardinal rule is to keep them playing and to keep them coming back. The longer they play, the more they lose, and in the end, we get it all.” – Robert De Niro in “Casino”
“If I had the money and the drinking capacity, I’d probably live at a roulette table and let my life go to hell.” – Michael Ventura
“Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun.” – Lady Gaga
“The slot machines sit there like young courtesans, promising pleasures undreamed of, your deepest desires fulfilled, all lusts satiated.” – Frank Scoblete
“The subject of gambling is all encompassing. It combines man’s natural play instinct with his desire to know about his fate and his future.” – Franz Rosenthal
“At the gambling table, there are no fathers and sons.” – Chinese Proverb
“I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.” – Mitch Hedberg
“I want people to understand, gambling is not a bad thing if you do it within the framework of what it’s meant to be, which is fun and entertaining.” – Michael Jordan
“There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling and technicians. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with technicians.”– Georges Pompidou
“Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.” – Unknown Author
“The best throw of the dice is to throw them away.” – English Proverb
“Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then takes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.” – Mark Twain
“The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.” – George Bernard Shaw
“In most betting shops you will see three windows marked “Bet Here”, but only one window with the legend “Pay Out”.” – Jeffrey Bernard
“I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” – Thomas Jefferson
When slots were first invented, gamers would hinge their hopes for a win on the horseshoes, diamonds, spades, hearts, and Liberty Bell symbols on the three-wheel machines. These days, slots keep players entertained with a variety of themes, symbols and characters and for many, it’s the quirky characters that keep them coming back for more.
The Griffin family members
Whether you prefer to play slots online or on land, you’re sure to find a plethora of fun-filled slot machines these days that centre on popular TV shows or films. By far one of the most popular adult animations, Family Guy, even has a slot counterpart, perfect for those looking for a little entertainment and a couple of laughs with every spin.
At the heart of the epic Fox TV show, Family Guy-inspired slots are the antics of the Griffin family, which are as LOL-worthy as they are politically incorrect. This slot game may have you chuckling at your computer with quotes popping up on screen and soundbite snippets from the show itself. Between the crazy family’s characters and the fact that this game has a huge range of special features and bonuses, you’re sure to be entertained and eager to come back for more.
Pink Panther
One of the most well-known cartoon characters of all time also has his very own slot games. If you’re someone who likes to play slots online, then you have to try at least one game on the iconic Pink Panther slots. While he’s not necessarily a “laugh out loud” kind of character, there’s no slot game more classic than this one and what’s more, it comes with epic bonus games, progressive jackpot adventure rounds, special features, Pink Panther wilds and much more, making it a wildly exciting game to play.
The Mad Hatter
The Mad Hatter slot machine has drawn its inspiration from the fabulous Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. The definition of ‘quirky’, the Mad Hatter is depicted in this slot game in dramatic poses or leaping with joy and boasting rather interesting expressions. He appears amongst other symbols on the reels, many of which also relate back to the original tale, with rabbits, teapots and pastries making appearances.
In these slot games, the Mad Hatter often stands in for the wild symbol with a bunny representing the scatter symbol. Other fun quirks include a Cuckoo Bonus which is triggered by the appearance of three cuckoo clocks or more. With hilarious images, upbeat sounds and vivid colours, this game is equally light-hearted and entertaining.
Little Britain characters
Much like the Family Guy theme, the Little Britain slots are a firm favourite among avid British TV fans. This incredibly entertaining slot game is based on the TV comedy sketch of the same name and it leverages a phenomenal range of characters from the show. Loads of extra features and character-driven bonuses which are unbelievably creative and hilarious make this slot game extra fun. You might want to play this one in the comfort (and privacy) of your home as random outbursts of laughter on the tube might be frowned upon. If you’re a Little Britain fan, you’ll definitely appreciate how they have harnessed the humour from the show for this game.
Moody, egg-laying chickens
The incredibly creative EggOMatic slot centres on a rooster that is in charge of a factory of noticeably angry/tired/grumpy egg-laying chickens. The rooster’s main job is to ensure that the chickens lay as many bonus eggs as possible to give players ample opportunity to win. The designers of the game did a great job with the animations and the entertainment value lies largely with the comically sleepy and unhappy hens.
Fruity Burst characters
Whenever you play online slots (or even on-land), you’ll probably come across the ever-popular Fruity Burst slots. This popular slot game is known for its five reels and 25 paylines which definitely keeps things exciting. With the advancements in technology and graphics, the fruit symbols are cuter than ever before with all the classic favourites represented, from Oranges and Grapes to Lemons and Tomatoes.
Lucky Larry
Gamers who love their video slot games should keep an eye out for the ever-amusing Lucky Larry in Lucky Larry’s Lobstermania. This lobster/fisherman is a little odd but hugely popular! Lucky Larry is represented in one of two ways; either a shiny red lobster with a pipe in his mouth (naturally), donning a yellow fisherman’s outfit or some sort of human version, with the same quintessential trademarks (the pipe and the yellow fishing gear). The game is generally fairly bizarre because of its off-kilter main character, but ultimately it’s great fun and good for a laugh.
The Flintstones
Quirky, familiar and funny, there’s nothing quite like a Flintstones-themed slot. The iconic cartoon that inspired this slot game shot to incredible fame already in the 60s and thanks to ample episodes of the much-loved cartoon, remakes, special editions, live-action movies, spinoffs, and paraphernalia, it’s as popular as ever.
Slot Machine Sayings
The Flintstones video slots have the key Flintstones characters as the slot symbols (including the pet Dino!) and boast an array of unique features, special modes and “Bowling Bonuses” (Fred does love his bowling) which might mean cash prizes and multipliers for lucky players. The host of special features, the famous characters and epic graphics make this slot game a big hit.
Count Duckula
Take another trip down memory lane (back to the 80s and 90s) with the strange, yet amusing, vegetarian vampire duck — Count Duckula (which was actually a spinoff of Danger Mouse).
This ridiculously creative character is also a central figure in a slot game, with the character himself acting as the wilds. There are special character-driven features and bonuses (including the Igor Mystery Potion and the Duckula Wall of Fame bonus). You can also try to win big with the progressive jackpot feature — with Count Duckula, it feels like anything could be possible.
Drunk bugs
The hilarious Pub Crawlers slot game offers gamers access to a strange world filled with bugs who like their booze. This five-reel slot game centres on bar patrons, ladybug waitresses, flies, scorpions and other bugs having a good old night out. The bartender is a butterfly, there are cockroaches drinking Martinis, spiders playing poker and hornets playing pool — it’s creative, unusual and jam-packed with hilarious characters.
The Big Bad Wolf
Another hugely popular video slot is the Big Bad Wolf, inspired by the Three Little Pigs tale and the Quickspin version makes use of excellent graphics to depict some truly comical characters. This game takes the form of a five-reel slot with 25 paylines to keep things exciting.
The reels are swooping, symbols tumble down in blocks and wins are marked by exploding symbols which are replaced with new ones (giving the opportunity for multiple wins). The wolf huffs and puffs in one feature (aptly called “Blowing Down the House”) there are wolf scatter symbols, special rewards like extra spins, multipliers and more. It’s thrilling and fun with some wonderfully depicted characters.
A romantic frog
Frog Royale is a comedy 3D video slot based on the Frog and the Princess story, where the princess kisses the frog to find out he is her prince charming. Great characters, incredible graphics and enchanting themes make this truly enjoyable to play. This slot game comes with the opportunity to land exceptional bonus features, free spins and special golden symbols which could mean big prizes.
Rango
If quirky, cute and funny slot machines are your thing then you will definitely love Rango. The main character of this jackpot slot is the oddball cowboy chameleon from the animated film and he is joined by a number of his popular co-stars, such as Bad Bill the horrible tortoise and Priscilla the mouse. Goofy, lighthearted and packed with surprises (and the potential for big wins), this slot is a must-play.
Funny Slot Machine
A few feathery fowls
If you’re an avid Twitcher then you’re bound to love the funny-looking birds in Feathered Frenzy. From parrots and toucans to owls and cardinals, bluebirds and more, you’re sure to satiate your love for bird watching and slots with this game. The birds do cute little dances when they land on active paylines, there are loads of free spins up for grabs, a golden scatter egg and comical bonus rounds. The birds have been well-designed to be absolutely adorable.
If you love to play slots online, then the great news is there’s no shortage of quirky themes and funny characters to make your gaming experience all the more enjoyable. Head over to Mecca Bingo and embrace the huge variety of slots available at the click of a button. You can also play online bingo, scratchcards, jackpots and more.